Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Homosexual

Day 1- Travelling

Hello from KOH SAMUI!

Bitches be jealous? Thought so!

Well it is now 8:30 local time and it is well humid! This is ok because I love the humidity! After a solid two days of travelling, we arrived in Koh Samui around lunch time. Boy are we tired!

Singapore Airport was pretty freaking cool. We didn’t get to see anything outside of the airport (except the dirty smokers section by door 6. I did however manage to get a couple of shots of just outside. The best thing about Singapore was the UBER cool tech centre just beyond the customs gate, unfortunately we were not able to take photos but imagine like 100 massive fuck off screens around a centre console thing and theatre style seating all around this cylinder of tvs. There was also like 3000000000 free Internet access computers and this e card area where you can take a photo of yourself and send it via email to someone back home.

Another thing that Daniel most noticed about Singapore was humidity. Going from Australia which was a dry heat, to air conned planes and then a beautifully aircon airport to stepping outside to have a cigarette, only to be hit by a wall of 88% humidity was a little bit of a climate shock for him. Poor darling. I was actually rather surprised with how well he handled the flight, not able to have a smoke. Anyone that experienced Daniel when he hasn’t had a smoke in 1/2 an hour can understand how very nervous I was.

The strangest thing also happened at the airport. We were about a get into the lift and head downstairs when the Singapore militia who were bearing some ak47 bazooka nuclear bomb shit. Pretty freaking scary.

Oh by the way I forgot to mention about our flight! It was so freaking horrible that I must have already blocked it from my memory. Daniel decided to book the cheapest flight he could possibly find. So we flew tiger. I couldn’t see my feet, personal space is clearly to a priority and asking for a bottle of water on an international flight nearly blew our budget for the whole freaking week! Lessened learned: Don’t let Daniel book flights. Ever.

So back onto the horror plane we went and flew to Bangkok. This flight was considerably shorter and I managed to get an hours sleep. Bangkok International is fucking massive. Like I’m talking kilometres and kilometres long. It’s fucking stupid. How we managed to navigate our way around it well beyond me, but we managed to find out way out and check into our Bangkok Air flights to Koh Samui. One thing I will say about Bangkok Air is that, we could really learn a lot about customer service and hospitality from these Thai people. They really do it best. Also let it be known that CHADLINGTON booked these flights, and I was more than happy to receive my specially ordered Low Calorie meal, complimentary tea and coffee AND I was able to see my feet. Chad-1. Daniel-0.

I would also like to point out that Koh Samui is fucking gorge. A true island paradise. The hotel is really really beautiful, as were the cocktails that we consumed all afternoon. We fell asleep in the sun for about 45 mins while we were waiting for our room to become ready and subsequently we are already burnt. Mum and Dad came round and we had a spot of lunch and a few drinks at the Saboey Bar and then headed into Fisherman’s Village for some shopping and Dinner. Fisherman’s Village was really cool. So many little restaurants and markets around. I picked up a fedora for 250 baht (roughly 7 dollars) and Daniel got some diesel thongs for 300 baht. I’m to entirely sure he is aware that they are not real. Shame.

We have the most AMAZING dinner on the beach, actually on the beach, which was really tasty, we all had a main meal each of really good quality authentic Thai food, mum had 2 glasses of wine, dad a 3 beers, Daniel had 5 beers and I had two really strong margaritas and the entire bill came to $67AUD. I know! All while we watched the sun set behind Koh Pangnang, which was just across the water. The place really comes to life a night. All the lights on the surrounding islands come on and your not sure where your island ends and the next starts. Fire dancers dance on the beach and an outdoor cinema emerges. It’s incredible.

All in all I really think its times for bed. I have had a really really first two days and looking forward to enjoying the rest of the month in beautiful Thailand

Love and Kisses

Chadlington xx

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The smoking section just outside of door 6 at Singapore Airport

I’ll Have Cake Please!

Ever heard of that phrase “Having cake and eating it too”? Well this post has nothing to do with that phrase. Or cake for that matter.

I have been watching the Olympics lately and I cannot get over how many freaking hotties there are. Like it’s rediculous. I really hope that they are of course all gay and they all have sex with each other and just suck up each other’s sexyness. The things I would do to these boys I can not tell you. Becuase mymother reads my blog. (hi mum) and so doesnt my husband.

So below I have created a list of my top ten from London 2012. And yes, I have included pictures.

10. Jack Green

Of course, this is a count down so I must start off at the bottom and work up to the best. Number 10 hails from Great Britain. This hurdler may have fucked up big time by actually running into the hurdle (shame) but this kid is so good looking that you dont even care. Please note that he was at number 8 until he ran into the hurdle (shame)Image

9. Chris Mears
Number nine is another that hails from the motherland. Im not sure what it is about divers that I find so freaking hot. It could be the hard abs, tiny shorts and extreme bendyness. Im not sure. But this guy…CUUUTE! Also props for being alive after nearly dying last year in a spleen explosion related incident. Snaps!

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8. Danell Leyva

This American/Cuban sex kitten is totes hot, and the first out of many gymnasts. This boy was destined for a hard body and flips, with both parents being famous cuban gymnasts. Its in his blood. He’s got the near perfect genetics to prove it.

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7. Fabian Hambuchen

HOT HOT HOT! Fabian was the first thing I really saw when I started to watch the men’s gymnastics the other night. That german muscle tone is borderline orgasmic, and thats only what I felt though the TV. I cant imagine what all those little gay boy gymnasts must feel in their loins when they watch him in the arena. Although its fun to think about it.

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6. Ryan Lochte

Can I please just point out that I really really hate arrogance. I think it is such a turn off. But damn. This boy fine. I just want to lick the chlorine of those washboard abs. This guy should get Olympic gold for being damn smokin hot. I fully support the idea to put him in Magic Mike 2.

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5. Bjorn Barrefors

OMFG LOOK AT THAT HUGE PACKAGE! Nuff said. Bonus points for being rediculously goodlooking and a hailing from country where they are all perfect. SWEDEN!

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4. Jake Dalton

I dont think you can get anymore ‘All American Boy’ than this sexy peice of ass. And that is so not a bad thing either. Those Abs. Those eyes. That smile. That freckle. That Ass. Win.

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3. Tom Daley

The poster boy for London 2012. This british diver has major skill and that rocking body. The only thing keeping him from the top is his age. At just 18, this little twinky has a banging body, biteable bottom and kissable lips. Give him at least 3 years and he will be ripe for the picking. #futuretop5

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2: Marcel Nguyen

OMG I love this boy. Im not even kidding I think I am actually in love. He is just SOOO PRETTY! And those abs. And smile and when he does that japanese handstand. Instant Erection. He is the perfect example of Eurasian good looks (german/Veitnamese). He looks like such a nice guy too. I wonder if he can speak english. Not that it matters. All that he would need to understand from a unmarried, single, gay boy that is not me is “show me your Japnanese Handstand” and “Show me how you ride the Pummel horse”.

Marcel moves into the number two position of my all time top 5. So unfortunatly we say goodbye to Chris Evans.

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1: Matthew Micham

I think this guy is amazing. He is so humble and such an inspiration. And he is such an ambassidor for young gay boys in Australia. There’s two reasons! Gay AND Australian.

He also follows me on twitter 😀

This is why he is number 1.

I dont even really want to do dirty nasty things to him. I kind of just want to hug him.

And feel his chest.

And maybe give a light spank on the bum. Cute bum.

Matty takes the Number 1 spot on my top 5 of all time!! Which means we say goodbye to Ryan Reynolds.

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So now my top 5 men of all time list is as Follows. New additions in Italic.

1. Matthew Mitcham (AUS)

2. Marcel Nguyen (GER)

3. Eric Saade (SWE)

4. Kellan Lutz (USA)

5. Jared Leto (USA)

xoxo Chadlington

How do you know?

Since getting hitched, a lot of people have been asking me “who do you know?”

Well I have no fucking idea. You just do I guess. If I were to say anything it would be a combination of things. And then you have to the right moment to ask Daniel to marry me. “When is the right time?” They ask. “How do you know he’s the one? “They ask again

Bang. Shut up.

It’s like picking the perfect hair colour, or picking the perfect time to change your style. Is winter the best time to shave it all off. The answer is no. It is not the right time. I wish I had been asking these questions. “oh Chadlington, you probably should have waited until summer to shave your head”. Yea thanks Bob. Thank you Sally, for confirming that your birth certificate is an apology. Idiot. Are your parents siblings?

Now I need to pick an avatar for my twitter. Another hard decision.

Fuck my life.

Chadlington xx

Just me and my Guitar

Ok, so it’s not MY guitar. It my best bloke’s Nikki’s.

HOORAY!!!
I am finally learning an instrument. And I use the word FINALLY because I was never aloud to learn an instrument when I was a small boy. My mother never let me. I could have been the next John Mayer. Ringo Starr or Elton fucking John. But my childhood was robbed. Torn away from me by the very people who gave me life! All because I wasn’t very good on the recorder. Well guess what Kazbot. I’m learning now. Look out world. In in the house…

Now in not very good yet. I read an article on the net saying that it takes about 3 years to be fairly ok at playing an instrument. This is so not ok with me. How can I perform on stage at the voice Australia next year without a guitar. I’ll just have to practice everyday. Maybe blow off work. Who know what I will do to achieve this life long dream, and when I say life long I mean the last week perhaps.

I know I am one the most vein people in the world. When I was born, I hit hit every single branch of the vein tree on the way down, and still managed to stike a zoolanderish pose on the between branches. But what I saw today at the gym transends vanity. Guys who check them selves out in the mirror.

Now I understand that people need to watch themselves in the mirror when lifting weights to make sure that they are keeping posture, and doing, whatever they are doing, correctly. But guys that just stand in front of the mirror and flex, and pull those stupid faces where their lips get all Angelina Jolie while they suck in the already perfectly flat, washboard abs of boom, that you could probably crush coconuts on and then lick the coconut milk up. I dont even like coconut, but im sure I would if I was drinking it from an Arnie-like torso.

Now it took every inch of me to not drop the weights I was doing for laughing so hard, but it was the most bizzare thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I know I check the every mirror or shiny surface I see, but that is to make sure my hair is still in place, because sometimes it isn’t, wind and humidity and other environmental factors can really make a difference. But guess what McVein, you abs arent going anyways unless you devour a triple deep-fried Big Mac with bacon rind and then deep-fried again for fear of lack of taste, every day.

I was sure that this guy was about to drop is pants and start jacking it then and there. But yes, congratulations, you worked really hard for it Mr. Vein 2012. Now move, I cant see myself in the mirror behind all your ego.

Hi Chadlington,

Its me! Well actually its you. We are writting to you from the future! Its stupendous here. We love it so much. We are writing to us because if we remember correctly, we feel a little sad at your end of the timeline. Not sure where to go or what to do. So we just wanted to write us a quick letter, telling us exactly how wonderful our life has been this past year.

Firstly, Kate and Travis’s wedding was amazing. We were so happy to be apart of our special day. She looked so beautiful and elegant. It was on par with our wedding. We got our super hot ripped as abs and were clearly the hottest guy in the world. We always new we would be. There were some movie deals but we will tell us about them later. We had much more fun at their wedding than our own though. Because we could drink. And we didn’t spill anything on her dress either. Snaps for us!

We had a fabulous month in Thailand. Us and Daniel saw parts of the world that we never thought we would ever see. We hate to say it though, we caught the travel bug pretty bad. Just wait until we tell us about Sweden!

Lets see, Mum and Dad had a fantastic wedding Anniversary. The best thing about it was that Nan and Pop were both able to attend the festivities and they are looking really well. Pop even gave us $500,000 just because. We bought Mum and Dad a house with it though. Because they deserve it.

Nan’s 90th was a smash. Tabloids loved it! She got so drunk and started to sing Karaoke into her walking stick. She was also awarded 2012’s coolest Nan award.

Christmas was great as well. Daniel finally bought us that iMac he has been promising us. Jon came over and suprised us with a visit from Joshy too. We love him. Hes so adorable and although he calls us Uncle Homo, we can’t understand why it took 3 years to meet this little peice of heaven. Jon also annouced that he, Josh and Sasha are moving to Perth for good.

Chris proposed to Nina, the wedding is going to be in October this year. We are going to be groomsman.

For our birthday, Daniel bought those Tickets to Sweden for Eurovision just as he promised. We trust that at your end, Euphoria has won and Loreen has gone viral around the world?

Sweden was SENSATIONAL! and the best part was that We got to meet Eric Saade and Daniel said that we could have sex with him. We had a threesome and it was awesome.

We won American Idol.

We were cast as Finnick in Catching Fire, however we turned it down because it conflicted with our movie about James Dean, where we star as James Dean. Its because of all that hard effort we put in at the gym.

Finally, we are fairly certain that we want to write. Still deciding what we want to write, and where we want our writing to take us. We enjoy writing songs and since Daniel bought us that gutitar at the end of May 2011, we have also learnt to write and read music. We also enjoy writing articles for newspapers and magazines. And we are currently working on our first novel. We cant tell us what it is about though becuase it will spoil the fun of discovering that for ourselves.

See, we have an amazing year ahead of us with some fantastic memories waiting to be made.

From Chadlington

p.s Eric is as ‘big’ as we think and knows who to really use his woo hoo.