Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Homosexual

Archive for May, 2012

A letter from You (Me) to Me (You)

Hi Chadlington,

Its me! Well actually its you. We are writting to you from the future! Its stupendous here. We love it so much. We are writing to us because if we remember correctly, we feel a little sad at your end of the timeline. Not sure where to go or what to do. So we just wanted to write us a quick letter, telling us exactly how wonderful our life has been this past year.

Firstly, Kate and Travis’s wedding was amazing. We were so happy to be apart of our special day. She looked so beautiful and elegant. It was on par with our wedding. We got our super hot ripped as abs and were clearly the hottest guy in the world. We always new we would be. There were some movie deals but we will tell us about them later. We had much more fun at their wedding than our own though. Because we could drink. And we didn’t spill anything on her dress either. Snaps for us!

We had a fabulous month in Thailand. Us and Daniel saw parts of the world that we never thought we would ever see. We hate to say it though, we caught the travel bug pretty bad. Just wait until we tell us about Sweden!

Lets see, Mum and Dad had a fantastic wedding Anniversary. The best thing about it was that Nan and Pop were both able to attend the festivities and they are looking really well. Pop even gave us $500,000 just because. We bought Mum and Dad a house with it though. Because they deserve it.

Nan’s 90th was a smash. Tabloids loved it! She got so drunk and started to sing Karaoke into her walking stick. She was also awarded 2012’s coolest Nan award.

Christmas was great as well. Daniel finally bought us that iMac he has been promising us. Jon came over and suprised us with a visit from Joshy too. We love him. Hes so adorable and although he calls us Uncle Homo, we can’t understand why it took 3 years to meet this little peice of heaven. Jon also annouced that he, Josh and Sasha are moving to Perth for good.

Chris proposed to Nina, the wedding is going to be in October this year. We are going to be groomsman.

For our birthday, Daniel bought those Tickets to Sweden for Eurovision just as he promised. We trust that at your end, Euphoria has won and Loreen has gone viral around the world?

Sweden was SENSATIONAL! and the best part was that We got to meet Eric Saade and Daniel said that we could have sex with him. We had a threesome and it was awesome.

We won American Idol.

We were cast as Finnick in Catching Fire, however we turned it down because it conflicted with our movie about James Dean, where we star as James Dean. Its because of all that hard effort we put in at the gym.

Finally, we are fairly certain that we want to write. Still deciding what we want to write, and where we want our writing to take us. We enjoy writing songs and since Daniel bought us that gutitar at the end of May 2011, we have also learnt to write and read music. We also enjoy writing articles for newspapers and magazines. And we are currently working on our first novel. We cant tell us what it is about though becuase it will spoil the fun of discovering that for ourselves.

See, we have an amazing year ahead of us with some fantastic memories waiting to be made.

From Chadlington

p.s Eric is as ‘big’ as we think and knows who to really use his woo hoo.

Eurovision Party 2012

Just over a week left until Eurovision. I’m a little excited. The more I think about it the more excited I get. I think I just came a little.

Now to be honest I’m not expecting this year to the most amazeballs eurovision experience of my life. It won’t be as good as 2010. Nor will any song be as good as Eric Saade’s popular in 2011. Ong just thinking about himBethany song made me come a little again.

So my favourite this year is quite obviously Loreen’s euphoria from Sweden. Is say this is quite obvious because it’s Sweden, home of the most gorgeous men on the planet, and also because it just a jammin’ track. Yes I said jammin’. What of it? Get outta my grill yo!

Anyways other notable songs are Norway’s Tooji with stay and Cyprus’s La La Love by some Iva chick. Spain could be a top performer (for once) and I really think the guy from Germany is a total babe. Shame the song is pretty crap.

So preparations for the party are underway. I already have my costume prepared, with accompanied makeup. I have taken the whole week off work to prepare. I am planning on baking all these delicious cupcakes and carefully creating the flags of various participating countries flags. I need to make punch too. So much to do!!! I plan on having an ongoing commentary on my twitter account also @chadlington.

Ad the drinking games that are going to be played. This is why Eurovision exists. Who cares about world peace or whatever they say the reasons for Eurovision is. No one actually cares unless it’s some poor european country that no one cares about. Like England.

I’m hoping for new hotties to perve on. Like I said thought. They won’t be as gorge as Eric Saade.

I just came a little again. If I keep this up I’ll be done in about 2 minutes.

Don’t Touch Me Please!

For those of you that don’t already know how multi skilled, talented and amazing I am, well I am multi skilled, talented and amazing. I am So talented that I am a black belt in karate. Oh yeah. I kick ass. And faces.

To be honest I’m not really that much of a black belt at the moment. I havent trained properly in six years. I recently went back last week. I’m not to sure what inspired to go back now and not before. But I now how happy I was back then. Probably because I was really skinny, fucking hot and I won big trophies. A lot.

This also coincides with our new gym membership (which is going very well I might add). This also means I am twice as sore twice as much for twice as long. After going back I realised I had forgotten about muscles that I had t used in 6 years. Like thighs. And shoulder muscles. Who uses shoulder muscles. Not me.

So you can imagine my face when these muscles were awoken again. I’ll give you a visual. It was across between the face one would pull while their nipples are being twisted and a young ten wage boy coping the elusive female ejaculation squirt right in the face. You can view the face below.

And then having to go to work the following 3 days and walk up those fucking stairs to my office 700000000 times a day. Not cool man. I’m sure the ejaculation squirt in the face appeared several times that day. And when people touch you as try to get your attention, or if they are real evil bastards and they know your in pain but continue to poke and prod you. Wankers.

“Don’t touch me please!”

Hopefully the pain will subside, along with everyone’s insensitive need to poke their fingers deep into my throbbing flesh causing excruciating pain which can be compared to the pain of child birth I’m sure.

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Small Things

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I want to be a Macho Man

Yesterday Daniel and I joined a gym.

I know right. Me, doing exercise. The idea is actually hilarious because, I do not do exercise. I have enough trouble getting out of bed in the morning, I try to avoid stairs wherever possible, and if I cant find the remote, Ill just watch whatever is on tv or else perish whilse trying to reach the remote. What is even more hilarious is the visual of me doing exercise. Of course I am only speculating this atm moment, because I have no idea what I would look like doing exercise. One reasoon for this is because I do not do any exercise.

While joing the gym, the lady asks if we would like to sign up for personal trainer classes. Are you joking? You cant be serious? You want me to pay someone to torture me. You want me to pay someone $40 an hour to act like a vulture, ready to exploit me. You want me to pay you to ‘push me till I collapse”?

No Thanks.

So this morning was my first day of gym. We went and bought all the gear. Gym shoes. I colour cordinated an outfit with my new shoes and existing shorts with a new sports top. I totally looked the part. Of course I really struggled to get out of bed this morning. So we have no gym today. Maybe we can go tonight. This is the problem I have with the gym. I can never motivate myself to go. I was thinking that with Daniel and I both going we would be able to motivate each other. Howver we are both lazy. Oh god this gym thing is hard.

Why isnt there a pill that you can take that makes you beautiful and toned and skinny.

I should have taken her up on those personal training lessons.

To touch the Hutch…

So I have a question. What is considered to be too young. I mean obviously anyone who is underage is too young… Because that is a crime. I’m talking a about what is a socially acceptable age bracket between lovers. Me personally, anyone born in nineties is totally of limits. A nineties baby are you serious. I realise that people born in 1990 are now 22 and well above the legal limit but still, 1990… Gross.

I’m having these thoughts because, although I do not want to admit it to myself let alone my tragic husband and friends who are clearly under the influence of strong narcotics, but Josh Hutcherson = total babe. I used to call him that kid from Bridge to Terabithia I now mostly call him
Delicious.

What is most horrifying is that he is 1992. Now that’s only 4 years different meaning he is 20 this year, and being the Hollywood child star he is I’m sure he was molestered by some crazy big time pedophile director who promised him the part for just the tip, making him clearly experienced and probably has sex all the time like most 19 year olds too. I’m kidding, I don’t think directors actually do that. 😐

I think is more his character in Hunger Games too… So attracted to that character. He’s perfect.

So what’s an appropriate age gap between lovers… I would say 8 years… Obviously this would increase as you get older. And you also have that rule where you half your age and add 7… So if your 40, the youngest you can go is 27. And I can do 19 (yes!) watch out JHutch!

Poor Daniel. No Beiber for you!