Since getting hitched, a lot of people have been asking me “who do you know?”
Well I have no fucking idea. You just do I guess. If I were to say anything it would be a combination of things. And then you have to the right moment to ask Daniel to marry me. “When is the right time?” They ask. “How do you know he’s the one? “They ask again
Bang. Shut up.
It’s like picking the perfect hair colour, or picking the perfect time to change your style. Is winter the best time to shave it all off. The answer is no. It is not the right time. I wish I had been asking these questions. “oh Chadlington, you probably should have waited until summer to shave your head”. Yea thanks Bob. Thank you Sally, for confirming that your birth certificate is an apology. Idiot. Are your parents siblings?
Now I need to pick an avatar for my twitter. Another hard decision.
Fuck my life.
Ok, so it’s not MY guitar. It my best bloke’s Nikki’s.
I am finally learning an instrument. And I use the word FINALLY because I was never aloud to learn an instrument when I was a small boy. My mother never let me. I could have been the next John Mayer. Ringo Starr or Elton fucking John. But my childhood was robbed. Torn away from me by the very people who gave me life! All because I wasn’t very good on the recorder. Well guess what Kazbot. I’m learning now. Look out world. In in the house…
Now in not very good yet. I read an article on the net saying that it takes about 3 years to be fairly ok at playing an instrument. This is so not ok with me. How can I perform on stage at the voice Australia next year without a guitar. I’ll just have to practice everyday. Maybe blow off work. Who know what I will do to achieve this life long dream, and when I say life long I mean the last week perhaps.
I know I am one the most vein people in the world. When I was born, I hit hit every single branch of the vein tree on the way down, and still managed to stike a zoolanderish pose on the between branches. But what I saw today at the gym transends vanity. Guys who check them selves out in the mirror.
Now I understand that people need to watch themselves in the mirror when lifting weights to make sure that they are keeping posture, and doing, whatever they are doing, correctly. But guys that just stand in front of the mirror and flex, and pull those stupid faces where their lips get all Angelina Jolie while they suck in the already perfectly flat, washboard abs of boom, that you could probably crush coconuts on and then lick the coconut milk up. I dont even like coconut, but im sure I would if I was drinking it from an Arnie-like torso.
Now it took every inch of me to not drop the weights I was doing for laughing so hard, but it was the most bizzare thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I know I check the every mirror or shiny surface I see, but that is to make sure my hair is still in place, because sometimes it isn’t, wind and humidity and other environmental factors can really make a difference. But guess what McVein, you abs arent going anyways unless you devour a triple deep-fried Big Mac with bacon rind and then deep-fried again for fear of lack of taste, every day.
I was sure that this guy was about to drop is pants and start jacking it then and there. But yes, congratulations, you worked really hard for it Mr. Vein 2012. Now move, I cant see myself in the mirror behind all your ego.