Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Homosexual

Posts tagged ‘addictions’

Yet Another Habbit to Feed..

I have been fighting it. For 2 years now I have been fighting the urge. I hate conforming. This is the reason why I listen to music like Lady Gaga. I am an individual. Yet for some reason I have given up the fight, thrown in the towel. Im like Japan after they bombed the shit out of Pearl Harbour. I surrender myself to Twitter.

Last night I asked my best friend to show me how to use it. I’m not sure why. I know that it will take over my life and I will be sucked once again into the never ending pit of social awkwardness and despair that is ‘social’ networking. I use the term ‘social’ lightly. Like philly cheese. I am going to be one of those losers that is never off the freaking thing and will start tweeting things like

@twitterloser152568445 I’m finished #ijusttookashitandwanttotellthewholeworldbecauseimafreak

As if Facebook wasn’t bad enough. I was constantly on that. Before that it was MySpace and before that it was Hi5. The worst thing is that I’ll be coming in on the end of the trend. Next week there will be some other thing that is way cooler than twitter. Everyone will be doing it. It will probably have something to do with having sex virtually, where you can sit on the joystick while someone in the world tickles your clit while you tweet

‘I’m comingsjdkfhfjdshfjthurtyurghjdhfgjdsfdsfHKJFHSKFJDHJKHJKHJKHJHJHJ!!!!!!?!?!?!?!$%^%$%$^$ @pleasure_island #ijustlostmyvirginity’.

And I will fight the urge until I give up in about 2 years time, by which time no one will actually speak anymore and we will write in computer code where 1110010101111000101010001011101010 @10011010100101 #10111010111111100010101100010101111 roughly translates to Hello Chad and we will live out our lives like a silent movie and never leave our computers. This reminds me, I really want an iMac.

On a side note. I’m actually a little excited to start tweeting. I really want followers, just because I want people to like me and think that my life is interesting. But at the same time I’m really upset with myself for wanting to use it. So I have these conflicting issues inside my head and I feel that I need to tweet about them, but then I don’t because that means
i’m giving into temptation, which is bad because its a sign of the devil and I should go to hell, but then I think, “hey I have sex with men man so I should be bad. I’m already going to hell.” Even though there is no hell because there is no such thing as God or baby Jesus.

You see I live in a world where it revolves around me, and my thoughts. Twitter may not be the best place for me. And I really like waiting until Mondays to find out what happens on American Idol. Maybe I should tweet about how I’m feeling.



I’m addicted to Porn and Masturbate Constantly

Like any self respecting mobile phone owner, I’m addicted to my phone. I’m not sure if it has something to do with the signal of the phone that messes up the electrodes in my brain, causing a chemical dependency similar to the affects of nicotine, or if it is something else… Far more sinister.

You see it is not the phone that I’m addicted to. I dislike being on the phone for an extended period of time, and replying to a text is more often than not, at the bottom of my list of favourite things to do, and this is because majority of the time, the message interrupts my game. Yes gentle readers, I’m addicted to mobile gaming.

Currently I’m addicted to the game Draw Something and this is because of two leading factors.
1: People won’t leave me alone. I mostly blame Simon for this…
2: it was our niece Caitlyn that downloaded it at dinner because she was bored. I think I spent most of the time playing it because she was bored of it after five minutes.

And it doesn’t stop at draw something. I’ve been addicted to mobile gaming for as long as I can remember. I think everyone was addicted to snake at one point or another, back when Nokia was actually relevant. More recently it has been words with friends, angry birds, race penguin…oh my god race penguin. So good.

It’s an epidemic, I feel like I’m loosing what little brain cells I have left after all the drinking and smoking from the last 7 years. It’s a real problem. This is far worse than any famine in Africa, or financial crisis in the United Kingdom. I am talking about the fall of human emotion and communication all together, forget about global climate changes, no one will care when the tides rise to swallow the world because they will be too busy trying to play ‘quiz’ as a word in Words with Friends to notice. In millions of years when aliens come to earth they will search the now massive oceans and find billions of creepy skeletal humans, every one of them with an iPhone attached in hand. Occasionally you will have some stupid ape like creature with the Samsung Galaxy in hand, but they deserved to die, they were obviously to dumb to contribute to society in a positive way. And no one will be stupid enough to have a HTC, because the people that have them now, probably won’t make the same mistake twice.