Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Homosexual

Posts tagged ‘habits’

7 Things I Hate About You

So I have this friends that I don’t get to see very much. I love her to death but there is defiantly a reason that I try to avoid spending any quality time with her. This is because I find her utterly pathetic and irritable. I find her more annoying the a rock in your shoe, or that one fly that has a whole hose to fly around, but insists that it needs to fly around your face and in your ear.

So this, Molly (not a real name), is a list of 7 things I hate about you.

Dear Molly,

1: I hate that you always think about yourself and no one else. You are no more important that anyone else.

2: You have had a bad day, get over it. I’ve had 3!

3: Learn to dress, that skirt does NOT look good on you.

4: Yes I think your a slut whore bag mole bitch who doesn’t care enough about her boyfriend because people who love other can’t cheat. Simple. ( I may have just given this away)

5: Guess what!? I’m gay! I’m not going to sleep with you! Plus I’m married. And vaginas are gross.

6: I don’t particularly like your friends. Stop asking me to hang out with them.

7: I really hate you think your attractive and sexy. Your not. Stop trying.

This may seem harsh, Molly, but I still love you. I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t tell you these things. And since your name is not Molly ad your so dumb you probably have no idea that in talking about you, I guess in not a very good friend. However 8 years is a long time and I’m not going to throw it away just because your everything I stated above…

Regards
Chadlington X

Yet Another Habbit to Feed..

I have been fighting it. For 2 years now I have been fighting the urge. I hate conforming. This is the reason why I listen to music like Lady Gaga. I am an individual. Yet for some reason I have given up the fight, thrown in the towel. Im like Japan after they bombed the shit out of Pearl Harbour. I surrender myself to Twitter.

Last night I asked my best friend to show me how to use it. I’m not sure why. I know that it will take over my life and I will be sucked once again into the never ending pit of social awkwardness and despair that is ‘social’ networking. I use the term ‘social’ lightly. Like philly cheese. I am going to be one of those losers that is never off the freaking thing and will start tweeting things like

@twitterloser152568445 I’m finished #ijusttookashitandwanttotellthewholeworldbecauseimafreak

As if Facebook wasn’t bad enough. I was constantly on that. Before that it was MySpace and before that it was Hi5. The worst thing is that I’ll be coming in on the end of the trend. Next week there will be some other thing that is way cooler than twitter. Everyone will be doing it. It will probably have something to do with having sex virtually, where you can sit on the joystick while someone in the world tickles your clit while you tweet

‘I’m comingsjdkfhfjdshfjthurtyurghjdhfgjdsfdsfHKJFHSKFJDHJKHJKHJKHJHJHJ!!!!!!?!?!?!?!$%^%$%$^$ @pleasure_island #ijustlostmyvirginity’.

And I will fight the urge until I give up in about 2 years time, by which time no one will actually speak anymore and we will write in computer code where 1110010101111000101010001011101010 @10011010100101 #10111010111111100010101100010101111 roughly translates to Hello Chad and we will live out our lives like a silent movie and never leave our computers. This reminds me, I really want an iMac.

On a side note. I’m actually a little excited to start tweeting. I really want followers, just because I want people to like me and think that my life is interesting. But at the same time I’m really upset with myself for wanting to use it. So I have these conflicting issues inside my head and I feel that I need to tweet about them, but then I don’t because that means
i’m giving into temptation, which is bad because its a sign of the devil and I should go to hell, but then I think, “hey I have sex with men man so I should be bad. I’m already going to hell.” Even though there is no hell because there is no such thing as God or baby Jesus.

You see I live in a world where it revolves around me, and my thoughts. Twitter may not be the best place for me. And I really like waiting until Mondays to find out what happens on American Idol. Maybe I should tweet about how I’m feeling.

🙂