Ramblings of an Idiosyncratic Homosexual

Posts tagged ‘Jesus’

Baby Jesus and other Myths

I like to believe in myths. Up until the age of 16 I whole heartedly believed in Santa Claus. Tooth Fairy was a likely story. I never did understand was the Easter Bunny was in fact, a bunny. Monsters, Vampires and demons are all real and please be assured I am 100% prepared for the inevitable Zombie Apocalypse when the undead rise from the depths of hell to wreck havoc on earth (I am assuming of course that this havoc will include moths, cockroaches, Justin Beiber and various other hideous insects). The one myth that I cannot, and will not, hold any stake in is the myth about nice, attractive lesbians.

I’m sorry but the no such thing. Lesbians are gross. The ones you see in those movies you watch, are actors. They are not real! God. That’s like saying that Norway will win Eurovision this year. Clearly it will be Sweden.

Now I’m not trying to offend anyone here. I’m sure there may be a tolerable lesbian out there (even the word is horrible), It’s just that all the ones I have met so far are mean and nasty and act like men.I know, total turn off. If I wanted to sleep with a man, and I was a lesbian (shudder at the thought) then I wouldn’t be a lesbian. This also applies to men who are gay that sleep with men that think they are woman. GO EAT A VAGINA!

You see there is this unwritten law that gay men like myself, and lesbians, do not get along. There is a war that all you heteros don’t know about. It’s like Underworld with Kate Beckensale. Humans are unaware of the war between Lycans and Vampires (both real). Lesbians normally win the physical fights because of their brut strength and stamina. Where as us gays are weak as shit with tender wrists, but are able to outsmart the lesbians due to their tiny brains that almost lack the ability to speak coherently. I’m fairly certain that about 6 years ago I got into a fight with Ellen when she came launching at me, short hair and war paint, screaming

big hammer big hammer

trying to hit me with

big hammer

. Lucky I was able to step to the side while she kept going and fell of the cliff we just happened to be standing on at the time.

At the end of the day though I kind of feel sorry for them because they are so unfortunate. It’s not their fault they eat vagina anymore than its the Christians fault they believe in baby Jesus (another Myth unsubstantiated).

Natural selection will wipe them out though because, well they are lesbians. And they are going to hell. As are we all.

There is no escaping them!!!!

Please, I urge you if you are a lesbian that is nice, acts like a woman and can spell my name, I would like to hear from you, I doubt I will though…